Of course, I was also nervous that my guy would analyse me. There will be many challenges and the occasional stress factors involved, but if he’s really worth getting to know… Like I said, many more single people have children now, and, while some people have strict rules about wanting someone, who may be like them, single and childless, dating a single parent isn’t akin to the plague.
All you need to do is take a deep breath, and make sure you can handle all the other variables that come along with this relationship.
Check his credentials: If you have a toddler or baby and the guy is okay with dating you, then this next step is important.You may need to run some sort of background check or something to know what kind of temperament the guy has.As the words tumbled from my mouth, all three gave me ‘the look’.I knew exactly what they were thinking, as I spoke about my newfound love interest, and him bussing the file that he had a kid.As I sat with my closest girlfriends on our routine girls’ night out (GNO) one Saturday evening, the suspense at the table didn’t go unnoticed. Alas, I admit, those were my exact words, but those words were also spoken by a much younger and not so much wiser version of myself. Obviously, there are several issues to deal with when someone has a child. Do you think you’ll get jealous when you have to share him, and can’t throw a tantrum because you’ll ‘look bad’ for being jealous of a child? trying to pacify the mother so his relationship with his child isn’t affected, and keeping his ‘woman’ comfortable.
Prior to our meeting, I had mentioned that I had some news to share. I have learnt through maturity and life’s little lessons, that limiting yourself or options because of the checklist of the perfect man or ideal relationship you have etched in your mind doesn’t actually prove to be realistic. Yes the other woman; the ex who will always be present in both of your lives. Will your plans get rescheduled at the last minute, because something came up with the child or because of a situation with the other parent? Can your significant other manage any possible drama? And let’s be real, what about feeling secure about your relationship when you see him with her and their child, looking like a happy family unit?All women aren’t the same and not every ex will bring drama or real ‘tote’ because of her ‘child fadda’s’ present relationship. My guy possesses the main characteristics I usually go for, smart, sensitive, ambitious etc. So does this make a man with a child more marriage worthy?I also get to witness the type of dad he really is, and he handles his role and responsibilities as a father well. I remember thinking, “Please don’t cry if I hold your hand”. Does having a child mean that he is even more ready for long-term commitment, even with the extra baggage? While, on my end, there is no talk of running down an aisle anytime soon, as the relationship progresses, who knows what may happen.Having only exchanged brief, common courtesies via phone with my guy’s ex, I can say that it is necessary for you to be cordial in this situation, because you’ll be interacting with her child as well. Seeing a man with a child does give an inclination of the type of father he makes, and females – me included – tend to look for that particular quality when choosing our mates.In my case, we haven’t really had any tension thus far. there are many people out there who have a child with their ex. Coming to terms with it depends on what the single (and childless) individual is willing to accept, all in the name of love and finding ‘the one’. Possessing the ideal qualities is what would make the final deal in him becoming a potential husband.He is absolutely in love with his child, and that makes him even more attractive to me. While we look for stability in relationships, dating someone who has a child shouldn’t pose a threat.