The only people working regularly were the Mexican fruit pickers standing outside Home Depot, and even they would sometimes wait half a day before anyone drove by.The counseling center I volunteered at started to fill up with clients who had been unemployed for a year and were deeply depressed, considering suicide. I was sending out ten resumes a day to Craigslist jobs, with no responses.When I became an amateur porn actress, I didn't expect to fall for one of my clients.
I started to keep my personal IM client open while I showed strangers my body, and he chatted with me the whole time, making comments about the little snippets I told him. I knew he was married, that his wife didn't know about his forays onto webcam pornography sites."This guy wants me to spray whipped cream in my ass," I'd type, and he'd say something back that would have me biting my lip while I worked, so the guy on the other end wouldn't see me cracking up for no apparent reason. We began texting each other, slowly at first and then ramping up to dozens of messages a day. But I still took my clothes off for him, watched him stroke himself as he listened to me whisper what I wanted to do to him.We were living in a pool house and eating street-cart tacos every day because it was cheaper than buying groceries. I signed up with a third-party website to be a cam model. Guys go to the website, pick you out of a lineup, and instant message with you a little bit.When they decide they want to fork over a minute, they click the "Pay Now" button and take you to a private chat room, where you can do whatever you want.I'd wave at him over the top of the camera, while showing close-ups of my ass cheeks to some unseen guy jerking it in his darkened office. He showed up one day and immediately made me laugh — really laugh, not the fake "tee hee" that actually meant "Just click the button, asshole, time is money." His repartee was witty, and his vocabulary was huge. The pattern continued: he'd come in almost every day and message me for hours, throwing out comments about the other guys that they couldn't see, sometimes taking me to a private room when he could afford it. I found out he was occasionally cranky, often bitter, but always receptive to banter. I mentioned Jason, which, since I pretended to be single online, was another slice of my real self. I wrote him a long email from my personal email account, the real one, told him my real name, and said I couldn't keep our interactions financial. He told me about his early twenties doing dangerous and illegal things on the beaches of Hawaii.
It was a steady paycheck, and these gullible souls all believed I was twenty-two years old and my name was Samantha. All the other guys sounded like panting idiots hoping to trick me into a free show, begging me to shove things in my ass or dramatically fellate a dildo. He wanted to see me enjoying myself, instead of simulating bad porn. Finally, I told him one day that I couldn't keep taking his money. He'd moved to the mainland, met his first wife, had a child, divorced, met his second wife, bought a house, and had a second child… He read a lot, loved music of all kinds, and got every reference I threw at him.I thought I'd damaged my lungs diving in Pattaya, and had to go to a Thai hospital at midnight, sobbing and unable to catch my breath; he instant messaged me while the medication took effect, calming me down until I could sleep.We started to grow apart a little bit — it was hard to keep up the stream of constant communication with the different time zone.The Professor enjoyed being the smart one, the one who knew the truth behind the facade, who I really was. I told him how much I hated living in Los Angeles, the failures of my relationship with Jason.It was only a few messages before he said, "You're not 22. " I tried to pass it off, as I'd learned to do with private questions — keep them on the hook, believing the fantasy, and you make more money. But he wanted to know, really, so I told him how old I was, what I liked to read, that I wasn't actually in university anymore. I pressed him for details on his attempts to climb Mt.Not everything over there is fully functional yet, and the internal links still point to this blog, and will for the indefinite future.