I just broke up with my boyfriend of almost three years. He swore that he never actually met up and did anything physical with anybody; he had only exchanged messages. He asked me if I could find it in my heart to stay with him and give him a chance to fix himself and be a better man. He had always been honest with me, even when we discussed difficult subjects. I’m not the type of person who magically “knows” or dreams about marriage, but being with him made me start thinking about the possibility of marriage. One short description on the page sort of leaped out at me: In layman’s terms, that sounds like some serious shit. The one thing I can weigh in on with some measure of authority is this: You WILL fall in love again. You don’t seem to lack for attractive traits or self-esteem. When I confronted him about it, he immediately confessed and apologized profusely. He explained that it’s a sexual issue/addiction that he’s had for years – even before he met me. But a part of me also believes everything he told me, because it’s in line with his character. And, to echo your sentiments at the close of your email, unfortunately I don’t have enough experience with addiction (much less sex addiction) to be able to rightfully guide you. While sex addiction is not listed in the 2013 Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, which is pretty much the bible for mental health diagnoses, it’s still prevalent enough to have been studied extensively. As such, you’re taking a highly calculated risk that he doesn’t backslide.The number one way to determine if you or someone you know is an addict is to look at the impact the behavior is having on their (your) life.
If your libido is wreaking havoc on other facets of your life, you could be addicted to sex.Denial is a hallmark of addiction and before someone can get help they first have to admit that he/she has a problem.Tiger became a laughingstock on and off the golf course and many of the men I know rolled their eyes and said, “Yeah, right.There’s no such thing as sex addiction…a man is only as faithful as his options.” Many of the women I spoke with also expressed skepticism about an addiction centered around an activity that is a primary human instinct.Treatment for sexual addiction includes individual counseling, twelve step recovery programs, as well as medications that can help curb the obsessive-compulsive thoughts that drive an addict’s out of control and unmanageable behavior.
Over time, an addict can develop a healthy relationship with sex-but it won’t happen without some form of treatment that helps them find healthier ways of managing their stress and learning to deal with life on life’s terms-without using sex as an escape.
My rational side tells me that breaking up was the right thing to do and that I should never look back. I don’t want to fall into a bad case of clouded judgment due to loss of first love.
In other words, would you be remotely surprised if you got back together and he told you in one year that he spent 00 on online porn that year? You had the confidence to walk away from a boyfriend that you love whom you don’t trust.
My guess is that he’ll be everything that your previous boyfriend was – without the addiction and trust issues. It seems really scary that you could be with someone for three years and just now find this out. I ask all this because at 28, and having been single for many years, the next guy I get in a relationship with I would hope we are on a path to marry, I don’t have time anymore for deadends.
Good for her that she’s only 25, but what if she was 37 and looking to start a family only to discover such a deal breaker?
Have you lost your spouse or significant other(s) due to your compulsive cheating?