They’re an assclown – There’s ten very key signs that you’re with someone who means you and the relationship no good.
These are the key things that you need to be very aware of and set as your limits.
Anything else is down to your own boundaries so it’s important to recognise what has made you uncomfortable in the past and why, what your values are, and ensure that actions match words and that what you’re doing is congruent with who you profess to be.
If you are unsure of what you’re experiencing, it’s code amber, evaluate the situation, throw some icy water over your feelings and plans, 100% eyes and ears open, and try to have a conversation with them about it.
But if this is within days or weeks (certainly within the first 3 months), code red.
We don’t ask questions, clarify information, or assert boundaries – all things that should happen in an amber situation.
Following my original post ‘knowing when to bail – red flags’, I’ve now delved a little further because so many people try to be the exception to the rule and have little or no boundaries.
The chief problem that I come across time and again with people faced with code red behaviour is that we don’t do what we’re supposed to – opt out.
Instead, we analyse the crapola out of it, blame ourselves, minimize the extent of the problem, assume we know better (we don’t), or decide that us and our love make us the exception to the rule.
Some things are a flat out code red and I have marked it with FOCR.
Addicted to something (FOCR) – If you meet someone and they are addicted to something (gambling, sex, alcohol, drugs, etc) and not aware of it and doing something about it, this will impact on your life greatly if you continue.
Don’t make the mistake of thinking that they’ll be this way with everyone else but you.