Fundamentally, they are unstable, like three legs on a table.
Something always goes wrong, or at least it should, because triangles usually end up hurting people more than anything else.
She can go back to her husband when we’re done making love, right? The problem comes in when over time an attachment forms between the married woman and her ‘other man.’ Now she is growing used to the arrangement and has convinced herself that the triangle makes her disappointing marriage tolerable.
His superficial belief that he wants someone else’s woman for the convenience is a lie he defensively tells himself.
The reality is he’s looking for love like the rest of us and afraid of what he’ll find.
Instead defensive stuff happens like distancing from each other or finding another lover to make up for what is not happening in the marriage.
The problem is you can’t get a piece of what you need from one person and another piece from someone else and expect to have a stable and satisfying love-life. What you get instead is fragmentation, conflict, and limited intimacy.
If you love a married woman and you’re in a love relationship with her, read this post.
You are engaged in what is commonly thought of as a ‘triangle.’ Triangles are rough on the heart.
In this kind of triangle with two men and a woman, there are instances when the two men fight over the woman.
This kind of drama is amusing only because if they know how connected they both are and how much they have in common they might realize that it would be more profitable for both of them to have a conversation together about the whole thing in a coffee shop or something.
The ‘other man’ is probably afraid that he won’t be able to ‘handle’ a love relationship with a fully available woman.
He thinks that loving someone else’s woman will save him from this fear of intimacy. In my world that’s an opportunity for growth because triangles are no good for people.
Then he can go after a whole and available single woman. He’s the ‘other man’s’ competition, but not really.