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Instead of going to my typical sites, I began looking for something new.

I realized that porn wasn’t what I really wanted; I wanted interaction with someone—someone real.

Not knowing where to start, I decided to check out an online dating site.

Not to ‘blow my own whistle’, but I am better than just average looking; I’m in perfect shape since I am a firefighter, and I was always really nice to everyone.

But perhaps I was TOO nice, because it was always the same thing: “I just think of you as a good friend.” I’d had a girlfriend here and there and sometimes it would last a few months, but there was never one that I felt like she was ‘the one’.

After several weeks of checking messages, making contacts and being disappointed, I started to check less and less frequently.

But then one day, I had a note from someone I had not seen before.

Her user name was Cheerry4fun and she had been a member for over a year.

She didn’t have a picture posted, so I figured there was probably ‘something wrong’ with her.

And since I’d spend so much time at the firehouse and eating there, I’d save my paychecks and I’d be rich in a matter of a few years! Not long after I finished school, I was hired as a full time fireman.

The fire chief pulled me aside on my very first day on the job to give me a piece of advice.

Besides, I could never find what I was looking for at the club—they were full of gaggles of married women having a ‘girl’s night out’ or single mom’s looking for a father for their kid and an income.

And that was something else that hadn’t worked out as planned—my bank account balance didn’t exactly have a lot of digits in front of the decimal point! I had gone to the gym as per usual and put in a quick 2 hour work out before going back to my small apartment.

But I’m going to give you the one bit of advice that you had better take.” He just looked me dead in my eyes to let me know how serious he was. He continued, “Get you an outlet.” I didn’t understand and it must have shown on my face. The ones that are gone before you get there aren’t the ones you’ll see at night; it’s the ones that die in front of you that will haunt.