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Later, the priest may apologize, and even believe that he is sorry. I could only control my own actions, so I blamed myself the most. X for his schoolboy mentality and the way he handled and justified everything between us.

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We’re always taught by society that we must forgive, we must let go of the grievance, or we can’t begin to heal.In truth, it is the other way around: only by starting the healing process can true forgiveness ever occur.It may be the church’s fault for having a ridiculous celibacy doctrine, it may be the woman’s fault for getting emotionally involved with a priest, and it may be the priest’s fault for getting emotionally involved with the woman. The woman is stunned when the person she loved the most, who showed her nothing but kindness, caring and love before, suddenly turns on her when she did nothing wrong or offensive to him. As I said, the priest may try to get back together once the dust settles.But the one thing that is hardest to swallow is the nastiness shown—whether it’s based on fear or not—when a woman merely expresses private words with the priest about a subject that has been shoved under the table for a long time, sometimes years. Later, she’ll come to understand why the priest reacted in such a terrible way, but the sting of the cold and superior attitude of the priest who is crushing her like a flower with his foot into the ground, is horrible and surreal. He may blame the woman for “ending” the relationship—yet another reason he was nasty when the woman put the cards on the table. Gradually it was once a week, then maybe once a month.The woman may hope that the priest is in a discernment period during these cycles—and he may well be.

Many priests have left the priesthood to become husbands and (true) fathers, men of faith and family.

But, it is typically up to the woman to introduce the subject because the priest has too much to lose if he initiates the conversation and the woman rejects him. So, the woman should "ask." Ask what his intentions are.

In this day and age, most priests do not have the theology or confidence to leave and will choose the priesthood over marriage.

It is a "death drive" in a literal and personal sense for myself, but universally it means the cycle of euphoria, guilt, chastisement, withdrawal from the situation, addiction to it, and back to euphoria.

Each cycle becoming more intense and more destructive.

If there’s continued contact with the priest after this apology and “forgiveness,” and the relationship continues to spiral completely out of control, then forgiveness becomes ever more elusive. It lies solely with the way he treated me in my most vulnerable hour, when I shared with him my feelings about wanting to either go one way or the other with him and stop living in limbo. All the forgiveness in the world cannot bring it back to its original state.